The location of a proposed personal and RV storage project off Airport Road, the third storage project heard by the Planning Commission in as many months.
When I was originally asked to write this weekly column, the editor asked if I might explore grief in some of my essays. She was well aware that I had lost my husband and that I led a local Griefshare ministry for others who needed help through the grief process. We didn’t want to make the column morose, but we did want our community to know that there was meaningful and effective help available to all those who needed it.
It’s extremely hard for me to address a recent loss in our community because it hit so close to home. The untimely loss of Will DeLong is as painful a blow as I can remember. It’s far easier for me to count those of his family that Patrice and I don’t know and genuinely love than those we do. I find myself overwhelmed by thoughts and concerns for his immediate family. I know I am not alone. I never want this column to seem or feel opportunistic. That is never my intent, particularly in this case. That is why I’ll probably say less than I could or should about Will. I just don’t feel entitled because I know there are so many others in his family who are hurting more tonight.
I can’t make sense of what happened. Intentionally taking a man like Will from his family and friends over anything that could have been stolen from a ranch is beyond my ability to comprehend. It doesn’t make me feel better that the assailant is dead, although I am glad he is.
Here’s what I do know about complicated grief from my involvement in the Griefshare program.
Especially when dealing with unnatural or traumatic death, it is absolutely essential that surviving loved ones seek counseling. Normal grief resolution doesn’t seem to take place without that extra care. It can come in the form of psychological, faith based, community therapy services or all of these, but complicated grief rarely resolves without serious therapeutic intervention.
Losing a loved one to murder creates grief unlike that felt from other losses. I’m the first to say that we should never rank losses, but we must be aware that traumatic grief involves complications that are more severe and difficult to work through than other deaths.
Many people including experts used to think that grief followed a certain trajectory, but the truth is much more complicated and nuanced. It’s even more so, when the loss is unnatural such as in the case of a murder.
The horror of knowing that a loved one was intentionally targeted infuses normal bereavement with things like the anger and trauma. Media, law enforcement and courts can also expand and lengthen the grief journey. When murders remain unsolved, the absence of context to understand what happened leaves a deep void often filled only by supposition and even nightmares and PTSD. For some families, ongoing and sometimes unfulfilled hope for justice can leave wounds that rarely heal.
Grief counseling does not erase pain, but it can and does provide a roadmap for healing. Griefshare is a faith based program that has successfully helped many. It is currently operating in over 1,500 communities. It is available all over Northern Nevada and the Great Basin through Winnemucca’s United Methodist Church. The local program is free and each series runs 13 weeks, available in person or via live zoom online. Griefshare.org for more information and/or to register. A new program begins shortly after the new year.
For anyone who is hurting, please don’t suffer alone. There is help available and you can feel better. The Family Support Center in Winnemucca is also an excellent resource for all kinds of counseling services.
Finally, May God bless and comfort the DeLong family and all who loved Will.
Kris Stewart is a rancher in Paradise Valley, Nevada.