Leave the cooking to the ladies

Leave the cooking to the ladies

Leave the cooking to the ladies

Hey guys, and I'm addressing husbands, are you a good cook? The reason I'm addressing married men only, is because single guys hasta be okay cooks, in order to survive. Either that, or mooch off family and friends for an occasional good home cooked meal. I know married men that can't boil water without messing up the job.

This guy, a married man, is a great cook, and his wife brags on him all the blessed time. Being an expert in the kitchen is satisfying to him, and a delight to the Better Half. On a Friday night, their conversation goes like this. Guy says, “Say, honey, its beautiful weather, the fish are biting. I think I'll go fishing in the morning." Says his doting wife, “I was hoping you would do breakfast for my Bridge Club in the morning. They just love your cooking. They will be so disappointed.” Says the guy,”Well, okay, the fish will still be there next Saturday. I'll cook for you in the morning.”

This other guy was a disaster in the kitchen. He broke dishes and burned food and stunk up the place so badly his wife banned him from the kitchen. On Friday night, he says,” Say, Honey, I plan on going fishing in the morning. Okay with you?” “It sure is okay with me. Our Garden Club is having breakfast here in the morning. Have fun on the lake.”So guys, good cook, or bad cook? Your choice, Choose wisely. There are dividends. (Sometimes pitfalls. )

Guys, if you do some cooking, something simple like boiling eggs for egg salad, be careful. Be very careful. One day I decided to make egg salad for sandwiches. I know enough to never leave eggs, or anything else, cooking on the stove while you leave the room.. So I put five eggs in a large pan of water, put the burner on high. Guys, that's how you do it. Simple. Just don't leave the room, ever, for any reason. An airplane crashes in the back yard? Don't go look until those eggs are cooked, or else turn off the burner before leaving the room.

Anyway, my eggs are perking away on the stove, and I hear the phone ringing. Its in the other room. So I just left the room for a second to get the cell phone. I haven't fully checked it out yet, but that may be an unforgivable sin, leave the room with eggs boiling.

My friend and I talked for awhile, then I remembered I had to go to the Post Office to get The Review-Miner and the bills and junk mail. I saw Linden Mayor Wilford Penny and we reminisced about good old times for a long while. 

A couple hours later, as I was driving up the driveway,  I saw smoke coming out every crack and crevice of our house. Instantly, I remembered the egg salad project. The pan was distorted like it had been run over by a Greyhound bus, the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen, and the smell was indescribable. You could go to the word factory and not find enough words to describe that smell. I think that would be a fitting eternity punishment for a really bad guy, being kept in a room with that smell for all eternity. The smell was worse than skunk, been there, done both. 

Guys, if you are smart enough to subtly arrange for the Mrs. to do all the cooking, go for it. The dividends are  humongous. And you hairy legged old single guys better plan on eating out a lot. Or chain your hind leg to the kitchen stove, if you in fact do any stove top cooking.