How is that for a New Year’s Resolution – a simple statement with super-power behind it.
Much of that power, of course, is left to your personal interpretation. As for me, I’m taking it as “Do it or decline and quietly accept the consequences.”
This is better than saying no, which is tremendously challenging for me because it requires that I think about it, examine and analyze the parts and repercussions that might result from my response, and determine to move forward or retire.
In this resolution, please note when you ask a favor or my participation, it may take time to get back to you as I decide the positive and negatives of the request. Let me cite some examples…
From last week, the “From Love” or “For Love” scenarios. I personally involve myself in so many situations where I follow through not for thanks or praise, but simply so that maybe we can get along. See – as soon as a add “get along” I have an expectation, a reward in mind, a chance to improve a relationship.
This results in “for love actions”. It is not a big ask, to get along, but it indicates that I need something in return. This most often applies to family situations. As the baby of the family, my greatest responsibility in my mind is mending bridges, reinforcing constructive outcomes, and establishing family peace.
In my experiences, this just doesn’t work. I must train myself to wade in without bated breath for acceptance or affirmation. Having worked to preserve for many years, this one is tough but doable.
Next comes the many groups and organizations to which I belong. When I hold strong beliefs in the importance of something, it is nearly impossible to back out or decline.
However, I realize I cannot take charge of everything, nor does anyone really want me to. I have lots of ideas and an abundance of energy and enthusiasm that I know sometimes causes drawback. I have a vision and a plan almost before the dust has settled – and sometimes long before the dust is even a consideration.
As I plow forward, I forget that others desire time, input, and sharing valid viewpoints. While delegation is frequently recommended, it is hard to do this when I have looked too far ahead and have other plans in mind.
Also, long ago, I delegated and found out that many say yes with no intention of fulfilling what they volunteered to do. Thus hustle, shuffle, and sweat ensue.
Now a difficult confession – not everyone is enthralled with my ideas and although they might allow me to proceed, they hold deep and angry feelings. I see a job organized and done; others see problems and disappointment.
If someone mentions the angst in advance I can at least step back and re-evaluate my choices, but most often the criticism comes mid-way into a situation or after it is too late to adjust and change. An accepted deadline to me is one that must be kept, however, sometimes life and other obstacles arise and so the glitch or hitch cannot be amended. Quick recovery is necessary and may again create displeasure.
But in the done-deal setting, complaints can be bothersome. When I hear them, I may fume as I ponder why snaffu wasn’t addressed differently.
I have to assess my actions and thoughts. Usually (and unfortunately) I sit quietly by as I determine what to say or how to react.
Not one to speak up I do nothing other than resolving to throw up my hands and quit. With quitting not my style, I ruminate for days or weeks or… and that is wrong.
Though present, I have avoided showing up by not expressing my opinions. I do nothing to remediate or repair the situation.
By speaking my mind, I not only build my own character strength, I learn. And when I learn, I become a better person as I recognize flexibility is essential, but that withdrawing with a stated reasonable reason – no anger permitted – improves the interactions and enhances respect.
When teaching 8th grade, we completed a poetry unit by studying lyrics to favorite songs. I had laughed about the title of “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” by Spin Doctors, identifying myself in this role right up until I examined the words.
They shed an entire new light on controlling a situation if I have failed to show up!