“You’ve reached ZYX Productions Inc. Thank you for calling. Your call is important to us. For your convenience you can also reach us on line at xyz@xyz.com. We are here to help.
For our staff directory please press or say one. For I/R please press or say two.” And on and on.
Well, this is how many of the phone calls I attempt to make these days begin. And I try to be patient and understanding at first in trying to navigate all the steps, detours and loop-de-loops that this AI robot seems to take such delight in running me through.
But invariably, the robot reaches a point at which it does not know how to continue with this nonsensical runaround. That’s when it starts all over again.
“For directory assistance please press or say one.”
That is also about the time that I grip my phone tighter as my blood pressure increases. And I repeat over and over regardless of what the robot says: “Representative. Representative. Representative!”
Also, on the rare occasion that I manage to get through to someone I’m supposed to deal with, of course they’re never available. I’m put on hold and I have to wait in line.
Then I have to listen to their monotonous elevator music as the robotic voice chimes in from time to time: “You are currently caller number 17”.
This is followed by more elevator music and if I haven’t hung up in frustration by now, I get another prompt: “Your estimated waiting time is currently 22 minutes”.
If I ever try to reach the company online, well the confusion and runaround maze is even worse. And should I try to tell this little electronic demon like unit that I don’t text or use aps, well this as you might surmise does not compute!
There have been a couple of very rare occasions where I have been successful in wading through all these obstacles and getting my task accomplished as in making a reservation. I was so surprised that I actually said to the non-human entity: “Thank you. I appreciate your help”.
Right away I realized, What am I saying? It’s a machine. It doesn’t care. It ain’t got no feelings!
Where, dear reader, are all the humans? Are there no Kelly girls that the company can hire?
If my call was really important to them then they would have a human receptionist to answer my questions in person and connect me to the proper source.
If they really wanted my business then they would treat me as a valuable customer rather than some sort of annoyance they do not want to bother with.
You might expect something like this in trying to call and deal with government agencies and bureaucracies.
They do their best to shuffle you off in some other direction on a wild goose chases most times. Or so it appears to me.
They don’t even try to assure you: “Your call is important to us.”
Computers are supposed to be communication tools. And just about everyone will tell you this.
That they have greatly enhanced and improved our lives is a given. But how and why then do they go out of their way to muddle up, complicate and confound my life? Or should I blame those who program them?
Direct personal face to face communication between humans sure seems to be becoming a thing of the past. Rather than a direct phone conversation, people so often these days prefer to text one another.
I worked in sales off and on through my life and I found that communication is key. Straight forward, honest, face to face and directly dealing with your customer was essential.
If he got the slightest hint that you were putting him off or reluctant to deal with him, he was gone.
So, has human nature changed that much over the years? Are we devolving into semi- electronic, half human, half cyborg units? And where does it lead from here? Could we still survive if we were without our I phones?
And would our lives still continue if the internet were to go down for a prolonged period of time?
Oh sorry, dear reader, I didn’t mean to get into all this doom and gloom. I just wanted to make a simple phone call.
I’m sure also that radio and TV were marvel advancements of their time and that they revolutionized mankind’s advancements and progress.
But I doubt that people then were anywhere as dependent on them then as we here are on these computers.
So, if there are any old antiquated cave men like myself out there, well I identify with and pity you. It seems as though so many of stories we read in those 1970s science fiction paperback novels are now coming true.
Our world is turning digital and we are steadily being absorbed into an electronic matrix.
So please don’t send me a text or email me a code to verify my identity. I know who I am. I am a human being.
I’m not a robot!
Ironically, Dan is at danhughoconnor@gmail.com