I laughed like a maniac as I read through a comedic little book of “Unfortunate Affirmations” the other day. It might be the ultimate response to folks who have spent a lifetime getting and loving “participation trophies”.
It hilariously made the point that most of us are at times delusional and far too positive with ourselves these days. Self affirmation is overrated if it pushes us toward acceptance of just about anything in the name of loving ourselves. Let’s face it, sometimes we’re just not that lovable. And Sometimes we are downright lazy, slovenly, unproductive people. I love the old quote from the first female prime minister of Israel, Golda Meir “stop acting so humble, you’re not that great” Can you even imagine having that statement directed at you? It would really make you stop and take stock.
I think the key to managing the overload of self help books, podcasts, etc., is to approach them with balance and clear eyes. It’s healthy to remind ourselves of our innate goodness and potential. It’s also very healthy to look at the positive side of things. There are indeed times in every life when, if we don’t, no one else will. I’m certainly a big believer in limiting negative self talk and replacing it with productive images and ideas. If we really think about what one person we talk to most during our lives, the honest answer is, ourselves. Learning to manage that constant conversation is key to who we’ll be in this life.
Once we understand that good management of our inner thoughts is key to good mental health and success, the really hard part starts. It’s one thing to understand the effects of our self talk on our well being and performance, it’s quite another to develop and deploy the right new language and skills necessary to coach ourselves past all the destructive and negative self talk as well as the platitudes and mindless positivity that in equal measure, get us nowhere.
When we are reprogramming ourselves, it is essential that we focus on performance. I’ve found that like most things in life, this is a process that takes lots of time and effort. We’ll have great days and rotten days; but the key is to keep trying. I’ve found that maintaining that sustained effort requires being able to laugh at myself. Not just little giggles, but big side splitting guffaws. A little healthy self deprecation keeps me going as much as the wins.
Kris Stewart is a rancher in Paradise Valley, Nevada