As Billy Graham famously said, “I’ve read the last page of the Bible, it’s all going to turn out alright.”
That’s the ultimate good news, right? Everything in between is up to us. Whether it’s a short life or a very long one, what a wonderful gift we’ve been given with the space in between.
I think about this gift everyday when I walk outside. Taking in a breath of fresh air, hearing the creek running behind the house, feeling the soft fur of my dog’s heads under my hand, hearing the sound of birds, wind, or bulls snorting. Even on super cold days, when the wind or snow bites my face, the walk is slippery and the dogs are muddy and smelly, I still feel so grateful.
I also consider gratitude for my life in longer terms. I know I have family and a few friends who dwell on the loss of my husband; but, I really prefer to remain grateful for our long, happy marriage. I even feel grateful for the time during his illness. He and I shared some incredibly sad, but also some of the most profoundly meaningful and loving moments of our lives together. I’ll always be grateful for those memories. Do I wish he were still with us? Yes, of course I do. But, would I bring him back if I could? No, I couldn’t do something that selfish to him. He’s exactly where he is meant to be and so am I. I have to trust God, and I do. I think loss sometimes makes you more grateful for what is left.
I know that in general, I have more fun on vacations these days because I stopped caring years ago about not looking perfect in a swimsuit. I love the feeling of sun on my face, salt air and cool water on my skin. This weekend, my daughter and I are heading to Boise to see a favorite band. She’s 26 and I’m 62. Trust me that I’ll be singing along and shaking it to a level that is sure to make her laugh out loud. Who cares? You only go around once and once is plenty of you do it right.
Doing it right isn’t about money, privilege or power, it’s about attitude. Everything in our lives is about choices and attitude.
The other day, I decided to get going with some spring farming. I looked down the valley and saw dark clouds forming; but figured I would have just enough time to get my seed in and then let mother nature take it from there. I ended up getting stuck in some over saturated ground that had looked dry on top. I recognized the situation quickly and got myself out before I required an additional tractor. As I was pulling the rig back into the main yard, the wind picked up and hail began pelting the left side of the tractor windows. I know a lot of people would have been cussing that a full load of seed might get wet and ruined; but, I just felt lucky to be doing this kind of work with my life. I backed the drill back into the machine shed (and was grateful for my husband teaching me to do that well), covered the boxes with weighted canvas and hoofed it back into the house. By the time I got there, my windward ear was filled with hail and I was wet and freezing. My sweet daughter saw me coming and started heating up some soup for me.
So, I stripped off the wet clothes, rubbed my head in a kitchen towel, and then sat down to a bowl of my favorite homemade green chili soup, watching it hail sideways outside and occasionally pushed our half grown orange kitten off the table before he could taste my soup. After that, I helped my girl organize some of her horse breeding records and then we watched an old movie while the weather closed in. I guess I could have thought of it as a wasted day, but I didn’t. I thought of it as a sweet, rewarding day and a blessing.
We all have bad days, monumental challenges and tragedy in our lives, every one of us. We can either focus on those things and let them define us, or we can bravely deal with our challenges and move forward, focusing on what remains. Beautiful days, meaningful moments, joy…they all still exist, if only we allow ourselves to open our hearts and minds to all of this life, all of the space in between.
Kris Stewart is a rancher in Paradise Valley, Nevada.