Between the Alzheimer’s Support Group, weekly respite, and various encounters with individuals and families, I learn something new each day.
This includes how families cope, adjusting to changes, getting the correct diagnosis plus reading materials or shows to watch. I’m going to share wisdom reached through two recommended books that will support you on the Alzheimer’s journey whether you are the caregiver, a kind family member or friend, or the one who has this disease.
Mike and Me by Rosalys Peel describes the journey of the author and her husband Mike. Having been married for over 40 years, they decided that no matter what befell them they would always take care of each other. Rosalys and children noticed forgetfulness in Mike’s behaviors.
While he still worked every day, he began falling behind in the paperwork. Upon inspection, some pages were complete while others produced a mystery. Visiting a physician Mike was told not to worry, that he simply suffered from depression (a very common diagnosis with Alzheimer’s and other dementias).
Four years flowed by until again the couple acknowledged that too many bits of confusion interrupted their daily lives. A second opinion stated Alzheimer’s; a third backed this up. With this in mind they planned the ensuing years together, unsure of what might unfold.
The couple decided to live life as fully as possible, to continue visits with family and friends, to travel, to keep life “normal”. Being told that most likely Mike had nine years of life remaining, they hit rough spots but managed to lead a positive existence.
With repetition common and confusion a daily occurrence, good times outshone the negative. Each of 13 Parts of the book explains losses, gains, and changes.
From preparing for the road ahead to forming a Circle of Support to saying good-bye with hope for the future, the reader feels involved in Mike’s life, in discovering tidbits of information and observing the dynamics of the two of them, their children, and friends. At the end of each chapter there are “Insights”, quick reminders of how one might act or react.
Needless to say, Rosalyn writes well and includes excerpts from her diary as she reviews the road traveled. Two pertinent bits of advice I gleaned: form a Circle of Support – it is not necessary to go it alone; keep a diary of daily changes, declines, or adjustments to be able to review what is happening as well as to share with others. Knowledge is powerful, especially when it comes from people who have made this journey.
As I read the positivity impressed me along with the hits on hot topics: resolving differences, finding day care and in-home care, keeping up with family and friends and finally, accepting the end.
The second book, Travelers to Unimaginable Lands by Dasha Kiper, is designed for the caregiver, however, it addresses so much more. Peppered with examples of loved ones with Alzheimer’s and their caregivers, insight is offered in a personable, one-on-one fashion. By studying the past of the individual with dementia, it became easier to comprehend the present. Realizing that there are so many things that we do not know about someone’s personal history, Kiper guides to understand the subconscious and conscious of the brain. Citing psychologist Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking Fast and Slow, she states that “fast” thinking is what we do automatically, like driving a car or repairing a broken appliance. We’ve done it hundreds of times and so little to no thinking is necessary. And so “What time is it?” may be repeated over and over again because even a mind mired in dementia realizes that life runs on a schedule: breakfast, bath, trip to the store… no matter it is imperative to be on time.
Slow thinking requires reflection and contemplation. Getting dressed, for example, may be fairly fast as it is routine, however, selecting what to wear may be much more challenging and frustrating when constant corrections develop. The brain may take a loved one with dementia back to knowing every word to a song or poem from long ago, while not being able to remember what was served for lunch or if lunch had come at all. The brain may also take one back to childhood with memories both good and bad.
A negative reaction to a music box may not represent the present but a broken music box of years past and punishment for dropping it and having it shatter. The mind holds so many secrets!