As a continuation on our Dementia Self-Management discussion group, we completed the designated course but I feel like this group will never be done.
We created connections that reach far beyond the scope of course expectations. I believe the honesty and trust developed benefitted all of us as we established and expanded understanding. I’m excited to share a bit of this with you.
Foremost, we decided that the book needed to be renamed: Health Self-Management topped the list. While dementia is an integral element of the text, self-care is key, key for every reader, every individual.
When we take good care of our bodies and minds, life tends to roll more smoothly. When we are aware of health issues and confront these head on, resolution may become possible.
Emotional turmoil surrounds a daunting diagnosis and we frequently spend time spinning in an essential one – denial.
Denial by the individual; denial by family members. Denial by friends; denial from physicians who sometimes will not share an Alzheimer’s diagnosis or similar because there is no cure or reversal.
Only by wrestling with the many phases of denial can one move on toward other emotions: anger, fear, apprehension, and then possibly to acceptance and calm.
A previous article examined the first four modules, I’ll conclude with Module 5 “Connecting with Others” and Module 6 “Focusing on the Possibilities”.
Part of revealing details about illness or aging includes finding the right time, the right place, and the right people.
Creating a support system is valuable, however, deciding who to let in and when is essentially a private matter.
Even when points are shared, some will step right up with offers to lend a hand while others will vanish from the scene, afraid to interact or connect.
And it is not only friends and acquaintances that may run, but sometimes family members do the same.
They may have headed for denial as in “This is not happening” or maybe they have disappeared because of dread or misunderstanding. Group members reiterated that any reaction may occur, but that it is the other individual’s personal challenge and not the one relaying the information.
Being proactive and talking with support members early on, a person may alleviate confusion down the road.
Sharing one’s story by being open and honest is a powerful way to break the stigma of many health conditions. An important trait for the one conveying the news is patience.
Patience comes in many facets: allowing adequate time to speak and to find the right words; permitting time to divulge pertinent and private facts; and granting time to judge just how much to say.
Patience is required of the recipients, too; patience to listen with full attention, to reflect upon and digest the information, and then to offer input only when asked. Learning to read body language increases awareness and understanding – facial characteristics, hand gestures, and eye focus or aversion disclose many internal thoughts.
Module 6 concentrated on the possibilities. By recognizing that remaining entrenched in fear and negative views means missing out on other aspects of living, fresh outlook becomes significant. Some participants look at a diagnosis of dementia or Parkinson’s as a gift, accepting that “even the hardest things in life can teach us a great deal about how to be better humans and how to get more out of our time on this earth”. Analyzing feelings, embracing each moment, adding new friends with similar symptoms and/or beliefs, and supporting others may become the “new normal”.
A hobby can really become a hobby, a chance to release and regroup; acquiring a new pet allows a bond to grow with a certain emptiness fulfilled.
Picking up painting or learning to play an instrument redirects the hand and mind in diverse directions. These options help people move away from reflections on what may be diminishing to encountering novel opportunities.
Perspective, perspective. Looking outward while reflecting inward.
The module ends with living safely and independently with homes free of clutter that might lead to a fall, to planters of flowers to add brightness and sunshine. “Being Me” offers self-expression; “Being with” leads to great breaks in life. Seeking freedom, finding balance, making a difference, growing and developing, and having fun are key components of this chapter.
Coming in January/February ADF-Winnemucca will offer Powerful Tools for Caregivers, a chance for folks, caregivers or not, to interact and discuss stress, family dynamics, and tough conversations to be followed by another session of Dementia Self-Management.
You ask and we deliver.