Mountain oysters, calf fries, calf nuts…no matter what you call them, in western ranching circles, they are the original sack lunch.
Many consider these little tidbits the tastiest bite around. I’ve seen them collected and served for weddings, funerals and political events. Some folks deep fry them, others sauté them in garlic butter, still others bbq them right over a branding fire with a shake of garlic salt. No matter how they are prepared, there’s a percentage of the population who love to eat calf testicles. As I cleaned and cooked a batch for my daughter this evening, I thought I’d share my opinion on this western delicacy.
I’m not sure if most ranchers really love eating nuts or if they tolerate the taste and mostly enjoy the shock value of eating this particular piece of offal.
There is a big difference in taste and texture between tiny spring calf nuts which cook up to the size of a grape at best, and bull nuts, which require skinning and slicing. The smaller the nut, the milder their taste.
In my opinion, the cow is an incredible animal. As a food source, it’s unsurpassed in terms of nutrition, taste and sustainability. Virtually every part of a cow is productively used. No other livestock animal is more completely utilized.
As a cattle rancher, I’ve always processed my own beef and I’ve probably tasted every part of the animal that can be consumed. That means all the muscle cuts, bone marrow, organ meats and tendons. I believe in using every part of any animal that I harvest. I like some parts better than others but I generally find a use for everything. While I wouldn’t say that I grew on the gut pile like a lot of ranch kids, I did grow up hunting, fishing, harvesting and eating a wide variety of animal proteins.
When it comes to nuts, I’m more than willing to remove them from their original owner, clean them and cook them, but if I have my way, I’ll leave their consumption to those who profess to love them.
I find their taste to be gamey, their texture either rubbery or spongy depending on their size, and the idea of eating them, well, a little disgusting. I just think that there are so many delicious things to eat, beef wise, that I’m content to pass on testicles.
So there you have it, the honest opinion from a lady rancher about the gilded grape. For me, not so much…I’d eat um if I were starving, but otherwise, just not for me.
Kris Stewart is a rancher from Paradise Valley, NV.