In a recent post-scramble discussion my assertiveness, or lack thereof, was pointed out in a kind, but assertive way. I already knew this about my personality, but I suppose I hadn’t embraced it.
Confrontation is not a forte and I tend to let the bulldozers roll while trying to divert a disaster. I recognize that the desire for everyone to be happy is most often impossible, however, I still find it to be a lofty goal.
Maybe it is the loftiness itself that presents a drawback as loft encounters currents, wind puffs, up and down drafts, and a degree of instability. Tangling with and then accepting this perceived weakness makes for a stronger “me” moving forward.
Some might disagree with my fallibility acknowledging me as the bulldozer and they as they bulldozed. I try to avoid this behavior as I don’t appreciate been squashed and I am sure that others don’t either. I admit that when I get an idea or someone else shares a possible plan of action, I jump in feet first, ready to work to bring the visualized concept into fruition.
Thus Age- and Dementia-Friendly Winnemucca and Alzheimer’s Awareness offer diverse activities throughout the year, some to raise funds while others are to educate and inform.
Our respite program, both in-home and at Pleasant Senior Center, for example, is financed through the Turkey Trot and Golf Scramble. Every step unites our cause: assisting those living with dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers and families.
Back to paragraph #1 and assertiveness… I am willing to back down or change a course, but sometimes this is a challenge. For example, it has been suggested that we add more sponsors to our events, more prizes, more engagement opportunities.
These are terrific suggestions, however, I just cannot pile more onto my ever-growing platter. Delegation is vital and of course you know that that is not my strong suit. I may ask a friend to do something, I may count on that person to accomplish the goal, but if it doesn’t happen, c’est la vie: there are alternatives. The mere thought of confronting a friend on lack of completion overwhelms me. I have launched a technique to support our endeavors: notes. Each meeting/gathering includes an agenda; each agenda item discussed indicates who said what with names jotted down for responsibility and reference. Assertiveness at its finest, don’t you agree?
To add to my repertoire of organizational tools I chatted with my grandson, Charlie, about how he handles things that irritate him. With the wisdom of a 5-year old he stated: “I take 20 deep breaths and then I feel better.” While his parents had offered this solution, they were not aware of its implementation. To further my knowledge, I asked if this breathing method can be modified, say by taking 19 breaths to which he replied no. 20 appears to be a minimum requirement. He pointed out that in really tough situations, 100 may be necessary, “Like if I am mad at my mom or dad.”
I admire his honesty and insight. I really must incorporate this into my mannerisms. Well, maybe not 100, or even 20; people are in a hurry and I am sure that waiting for me and all of the aforementioned inhalations would drive them away. I do believe five will function well bringing self-awareness, reflection, accommodation of other thoughts, while rearranging things in my mind which will translate to success.
How to put this new mindset into operation? Openness to others, silence and thinking on my part; hitting pause while assuring that all present are heard and understood and that they feel valued. These last three when practiced by others make me feel recognized.
I believe we all like to feel like we are heard, maybe not completely understood but understood to a valued degree. This reminds me of a conference when I gathered my courage to share a thought and a tablemate frowned and then ignored me as she moved on to other, more intelligent individuals. My reaction included being certain to never sit near this person again, but that of course, solved nothing. Bravely I should have met with her later, pointed out how she had made me feel, and then walked away. Not as in running from problems but in avoiding the proverbial, non-committal, “I’m sorry.” Two words that ultimately mean nothing. Maybe nothing would be gained, but maybe someone else would be saved humiliation.