Holidays can be rewarding for those living with dementia with adequate planning and foresight. Being able to “read the scene” and being aware of potential agitation alleviates problems that might arise.
In my mind, the worst possible decision is to leave the person with dementia out, deciding that “Aunt Polly doesn’t know anyone anyway, so let’s go ahead on without her.”
Aunt Polly may not recognize people or maybe she recognizes them but comes up with an incorrect name, but I truly believe she knows the love exemplified by those around her. Here are a couple of solutions to make visit pleasant.
First, plan on a late morning or early afternoon gathering. This gives the caregiver time for bathing and dressing, if necessary, plus setting the house in order or getting loaded into the car for the drive to a different locale.
Next, plan for quiet festivities, perhaps just a few family members or guests at a time. Also consider a “Quiet Escape” in case rowdiness ensues. Noise can be welcoming or confusing – you have to “read the scene” to determine how the situation is working.
The quiet place is for a rest, too. Often those with dementia take naps throughout the day. With a cozy spot available, a nap becomes possible while the caregiver has the opportunity to interact with family.
Family meals are traditions that people enjoy. Perhaps setting a few tables instead of one gigantic one will help calm turmoil. Serve the individual with a plate of favorites, pre-cut if needed and displayed with beauty.
Place napkins handy but avoid a bib unless that is the norm. Respect is of great value. Family photos and mementos promote conversation about previous events. For some families, travel is required.
Remember that change may create feelings of loss or anxiety. Not knowing where doors, light switches, chairs, or bathrooms are, may cause tears, anger, or the demand, “I want to go home!” This, of course, can happen any time and any place, even if your loved one is already at home.
Jessica Anderson and her Humboldt County Library staff have purchased amazing “Stay Sharp” kits and tablets. These along with the fitness bags can be checked out and offer entertainment and brain stimulation.
Each bag contains a variety of engagement activities, for example, a watercolor packet, a small puzzle, a book on fashion or fishing or travel, a game, and a tactile magnetic board. With so many choices the entire family can partake.
Then there are tablets, pre-loaded with games, mind benders, and other diversions. Already charged, easy to use, and stimulating, these are a good way to develop technology skills while having fun.
The “Stay Sharp” kits are designed for those experiencing memory loss or other cognitive related issues. They are also perfect for those who want to improve short-term memory, reaction time, and problem-solving acuity. From gardening to baking to outer space and travel, the themes vary to spark interaction and stimulate brain power.
Finally, a reminder. December 21, the Winter Solstice, is the Longest Night. ADF-Winnemucca and the Alzheimer’s Association use this night to honor caregivers throughout the world. From childcare to adult supervision, from watching out for safety to guarding against anxiety, caregivers maintain a 24/7 job replete with responsibilities. Capabilities for caring for others arise and bloom as the need grows.
With Alzheimer’s and other dementias, roles are reversed as the loving mother becomes the recipient of intensive care or the ever-dependable Grandpa becomes dependent on assistance. Some accept this role with grace; others are bewildered as this overwhelming concern takes hold. Some are gifted as caregivers; others are shy or defer to others. We’re all different. Families are complicated as is caring for someone who can no longer care for themselves. Advice is easy to toss out; follow-through on suggestions is far tougher. Admitting strengths and foibles helps.
On December 21 I hope to see luminaries everywhere in our community. These twinkling lights signify the never-ending task of being a caregiver.
On this day we will celebrate and thank all who have assumed this position and those who will be serving in this capacity in the future. In reality, we are all caregivers for children, siblings, parents, neighbors, or even pets.
We all do what we can do as we face tough situations when we must perform to the best of our abilities. Hats off to every one of you! Need some luminaries? Contact me for delivery.