Did you know that a group of widows is called an Ambush, the same collective noun for a group of tigers?
Son of a gun, that’s a tough neighborhood!
I can certainly attest to the fact that grief can ambush a person. Even when you have time to prepare yourself for a loved one’s death, when grief finally hits you, it can very literally knock you off your feet. It manifests itself both emotionally and physically and really must be processed effectively for the pain to pass.
In truth, I don’t hang out with a lot of widows. Aside from a friend who lost her husband twenty five years ago and my mom, I honestly find myself getting depressed when too many of us get together. I’ve found that many women in this position haven’t processed their grief and are obsessed with their own pain, rather than interested in moving forward with their lives.
Leading a Griefshare ministry as I do in Winnemucca, I’m always ready and willing to help folks who need help after the loss of a loved one. What I’m not so keen on is being tracked down at a wedding or other social event and then being deluged with their tales of woe. Recently, a gal found me at my niece’s wedding reception and proceeded to regale me not only with details of her husband’s passing, with the twelve other deaths she had suffered over the past year. I, as gently as possible recommended a Griefshare group in her community and tried to physically move on. She didn’t take the hint and followed me until I had to directly tell her that while I completely sympathized with her losses, I intended to celebrate my niece’s special day and talking about death just wasn’t on my dance card.
I texted her days later with the name and contact information for her local Griefshare group. While there is no “nice” way to tell someone that over sharing at inappropriate times or events is a downer, I somehow wanted to impart to her that when our grief is very new and fresh, feeling like IT is the only thing in the universe is normal. We are overwhelmed and consumed by profound grief at the beginning of the process. The thing to remember is that grief and grieving are a process, a process that should and will have a beginning, middle and end if we do the work to process our emotions.
Our Griefshare group in Winnemucca begins a new round of weekly meetings on Thursday, August 17. The United Methodist Church generously offers us space to meet. 6:00 - 7:45 pm. All materials and the group is offered free of charge to any adult who has lost a loved one to death. The meetings combine videos, workbooks and group discussions that lead us through the grief process and promise a transition from mourning to joy. The program is 13 weeks long.
Calling me in advance to reserve a spot is recommended. Kris Stewart (775) 305-9399. I can answer any questions you may have at that time.
Kris Stewart is a rancher in Paradise Valley, NV.