Home repairs have befallen me since my other half got his wings. I have had some wonderful helpers along these past years.
One time I sent up a flare to get help fixing a toilet due to sand getting all up in the temperamental doings of stuff living in tanks of all our toilets. Now you must know I don’t really like the word “toilet.” So I call it a toydee.
Don’t’ check-there is no spelling for toydee. Recently my toydee was running a muck and I was determined to do the easy as pie fix myself.
Oh my goodness one really should not use a food remark (pie) along with a toydee remark. Leaves a funny taste in your mouth doesn’t it!
In years past when I was part owner of a hardware store I could fix a lot of things—in the aisle of the store.
I could put together the best fixes that you can imagine. I think it was because I always had back up of either the customer, other customers, a book, an employee that always knew more than me or as a last resort we would drag my other half out of the office to build what ever the broken thingy was.
Well at home I was always happy to just turn over the repairs to my Mr. Fix It. But! Yes a plumbed in “but.” Now I am Miss Fix, which is funny and scary both. It’s been long enough that now I feel a titch guilty calling in reinforcements unless I am out of or under water, or the roof has taken off and landed in the field out back.
So when my back bathroom toydee started to wake me at night with its light but constant sssssstinkle-sssssstinkle of water running I took it as a sign I had to do something.
I knew just exactly what I needed to do. Change the Fluid Master Ballcock. Yes I said Ballcock. And that, finally is where I am trying to get to today. Giggle producing names of things.
I remember vividly the first time I heard someone say in front of me, Fluid Master Ballcock. I was at a meeting with an area salesman for the hardware store we were going to outfit.
He looks across a table full of catalogs, order forms dealing with all things plumbing and spouts off, “You’ll need at least a dozen Fluid Master Ballcocks.” And I giggled. I mean come on I am a girl and it was funny.
He of course was all matter of fact and my giddy was not met with the least bit of funny bone. When loads of inventory started to arrive and we were putting together the plumbing aisle I saw my first of many Fluid Master Ballcocks. I giggled. I still do today.
Over the years of living far from nearly everything we always kept an extra this and that.
So when we sold our store I stocked up on things I thought I might need and yes I scurried away with a ballcock or two. They came in very distinct red and green 12 inch tall 3 inch square boxes.
I kept my extras under a bathroom sink. After you see one you will never have to read the label. It will stick with you like super glue on your finger. AARRGGHH
I have long used up the ones I brought home from a store that isn’t even in business any longer. This newest one was bought maybe six months ago after I used the last of my stash of ballcocks.
You giggled didn’t you? Anyway, while shopping I saw the box, knew what it was and just bought it as a back up. Don’t say back up and toydee in the same breath either.
I dug out the box to get ready for the upcoming repair. I was aghast to discover that it no longer is known as a Fluid Master Ballcock. No! Now it’s called a Universal Toilet Fill Valve and that’s just wrong. It’s the same thing.
It is designed to do one thing and it does it quite well… Same box. Same colors. Same warranty. But the name, this new age has changed my ballcock to a fill valve.
Well I fixed my sssssstinkle by adjusting the valve and put the new THING back under the sink. I did however go to an old hardware catalog from a company we used for occasional super unusual requests. I can sleep satisfied now — at least they still call bolts that screw to other bolts, “sex bolts!”
Trina lives in Eureka, Nevada. Her new book, They Call Me Weener is available on Amazon.com or e-mail her at itybytrina@yahoo.com to find out how to get a signed copy.
Really!
