When I was 12 years old, my sister wed her boyfriend. She was 19 at the time, beautiful and shy, and madly in love. He was a handsome, rugged looking man with black hair and dark eyes. They were both very passionately in love.
Nobody would have guessed what their future held in store because there truly never was any foreshadowing sign that something would go wrong. But, what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life turned out to be the beginning of 15 years of physical abuse.
While she endured these 15 years, the rest of us - her family and friends - stood by, watching from the outside in, not knowing what to do, suffering silently alongside her. Because the physical abuse didn't start and end within their relationship: the consequences spilled over onto their three children and everybody else who knew them. We all suffered. Silently.
As a teenager, I often wondered why my sister didn't just pack up and leave. Take the kids, grab a suitcase and run. I didn't condemn her for staying, but I didn't understand why she did. I loved my sister whole heartedly (and still do), so I did everything a young man could do to help out. If her husband was in jail for some reason or other, I would go spend time with her and help with the kids or with chores around the house. But I never once asked why she stayed with him. I never once passed judgement, because I simply didn't understand.
I didn't understand the immense fear that possessed my sister. That fear was so deeply entrenched in her thoughts and emotions that she could not take that first step towards regaining her freedom and reclaiming her life. None of us around her knew what to do, nor if anything could actually be done. I guess we all felt that fear. I guess we all let that fear take over our common sense.
Yet one day, for some reason, something changed. My sister decided she had had enough. Perhaps from courage or perhaps exhaustion, she decided to stop it all. She chose to leave her husband. Today, some 15 years later or so, my sister is living a life that she wants, deserves and loves.
This is why I choose to Walk. It's why I choose to take a stand against violence in all its forms. Because I love my sister, and I never want to know of anyone else enduring such violence. If my sister can take that courageous step towards a new life, then I can take a simple step by committing some time and energy to help bring an end to violence in my world.
In the last several years, I have chosen to do what I can to help bring an end to violence against women and children. I worked for the Montreal Assault Prevention Centre in Canada as a Child Abuse Prevention Project intervener, and chaired the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Fundraising event in Toronto for White Ribbon Canada.
I truly believe in my heart that if every person takes a step, a simple step such as participating in the walk, or donating money to the cause, or clothing to a shelter, or a providing a listening ear to a person in need of help, then together we can create a world without violence, a world where no one lives in fear.
Join Winnemucca Domestic Violence Services (WDVS), White Ribbon Canada and Barrick Turquoise Ridge on Friday, April 25, 2014 at 4 p.m. in front of City Hall for Winnemucca's first ever Walk a Mile in Her Shoes.
If you are experiencing or have experienced violence or want to get information to support someone, please contact WDVS at (775) 625-1313 or visit www.winnemuccadvs.org.
Who are you willing to take steps for?
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