WINNEMUCCA - The Northern Nevada Alzheimer's Association sponsored its annual conference at the Nugget in Sparks. Amazingly, it was even better this year. I marvel at the array of guest speakers and topics. During the next few months I will be sharing some of that information with you.
The day opened with words from Colleen Christie, whose husband passed from younger onset Alzheimer's. She shared how one day she climbed into the car with her husband and children in tow, continuing a morning of rapid-fire instructions and demands to get everyone off to appointed destinations: school, adult daycare, and office.
Her husband glanced at her and then sadly stated, "You know, Colleen didn't come home last night." Colleen didn't come home? The speaker pondered. "I am Colleen!"
Colleen recognized two very important points at that moment. Her husband's loss of mind and memory were intensifying and also he lived with two Colleens. One of these was the loving, tender wife who calmly took care of him and their children. The second was the torrent of Colleen: wife, mother, employee, chauffeur, cook, caregiver and housekeeper. This last one was a flurry of hurry, pushing, shouting, guiding, and sometimes terrorizing the household simply to cinch it together.
She decided that it was essential that Colleen 1 play a larger, more comprehensive role if family sanity was to be maintained.
A couple of years later, Colleen's husband moved to a full-time care center. His wandering, confusion, and outbursts required more attention than she could give. She made his move a celebration for family and friends, an opportunity to commemorate the successes and joys of his life. Cake and candles, presents and songs filled the air as some bade goodbye because returning to visit would hurt too much; others would return but they realized that things would never be quite the same.
Colleen found this to be a powerful chance to exemplify love, especially for her young children. Her 5-year-old daughter expressed, "Daddy is teaching us to never give up."
Colleen noted her growth in understanding awareness. As the disease progressed and her husband no longer knew her name or acknowledged their relationship, she acknowledged that he had entered another realm of awareness.
He knew she was kind and that she loved him unconditionally. Although the human she had known was disappearing, the humanness within him remained strong. "Let your heart be touched. You will feel it (the love) even though it hurts. I could no longer communicate, but I could hold his hand... You just have to find the blessing within by viewing with the right eyes."
I have long believed that Mama and Carole felt the warmth of love. Names were lost, faces a blur, but tenderness abounded.
I stopped to see my friend in the long-term care unit in Lovelock after the conference. Her smile radiated when I babbled hello. I was saddened to see that she appears more lost, more in need of personal assistance, but her response to my voice pleaded that I use my "right eyes."
We chatted about nothing and about everything. She repeated my name, laughed at my jokes, and responded to my soft pats on her arm. She even winced when I teased her or said silly things. There was a blessing of friendship even in the tangle of dementia.
The final speaker, David Troxell, wrapped the day together reminding us to develop understanding, changing it as the disease progresses.
When visiting with or caring for an Alzheimer's victim listen carefully, fill in the blanks unobtrusively, offer compliments, and avoid arguments. Orders and demands do not work; talking down aggravates. Interact like an adult, not in a childish way or tone. Avoid unnecessary personal questions, especially in public. Who really needs information right now on a BM? Frustration and agitation are contagious so remain calm. Above all be an upper, not a downer. Attitude pays off.
Finally, to make meetings a little easier to handle, the Winnemucca Alzheimer's Support Group will meet the second Wednesday of each month at noon and again at 5 p.m. Having it on the same day will alleviate confusion when Tuesday and Wednesday do not fall back-to-back, plus we will be able to serve refreshments at both meetings, although the second meeting may be leftovers.
Meetings are designed to meet the needs of individual attendees so topics may repeat or be completely different, matching what participants want to know or need to vent.
Contact Gini Cunningham at gini.cunningham@sbcglobal.net.[[In-content Ad]]
